Original
The key word to this title that lured us in is “return”; it raises questions such as were artifacts borrowed or stolen?
Revised
Interesting key word here is return, questions arise maximizing the desire to eliminate and clarify existing assumptions
Original
We found this title to be particularly frustrating and felt some fury while reading it.
Revised
We believe this title creates blood boiling sensations onsite.
Original
For those who care about history in any shape or form they would feel a sense of loss and anger over the actions militants.
Revised
Passionate historians may become furious as if a partner failed him/her.
My experience revising parts of my assignment was difficult. I feel this way because once you complete an assignment you feel you won’t need to look into it again; therefore eliminating the concern of completing an assignment again.
It was a learning experience for me because normally I do proof-read my documents, however this particular task provided me with a different perspective because I was working on bringing more life into the document which isn’t what I am used to. When I am proof-reading I check to see where I can restructure my sentences or wording etc.
There are many styles of writing; I feel mine tend to be a little more on the plain side, which is straight to the facts, and no need to make it feel exciting depending on my audience of course.
Stating the sentences aloud was interesting for me because your goal is to give the reader information they need in a lively manner rather than just getting your point across. The revised sentences to me, feel as if there is additional urgency to it whereas the original is just a message.
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